As television’s most uninspired age ambles on, Americans sit in front of screens across the country consuming prodigious amounts of “reality” shows, consisting of programs that pit participants against one another in tests of Machiavellian cunning. Gordon Ramsay, Chef on FOX-TV’s Hell’s Kitchen constantly barks things like, “All I want is a fucking chicken — move your ass, you fat useless sack of yankie dankie doodle!” The Apprentice, American Idol, Survivor and so many others cultivate a culture of competitive, underhanded communication that we tell ourselves is just entertainment.

Meanwhile, roughly 50 percent of marriages in the U.S. fail per year, 18 percent of Americans over eighteen are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and the National Institutes of Health reports that one out of every four kids will be verbally or physically abused by another youth.

Might these statistics have something to do with the way we communicate with one another? Much has been written about America’s — and many would argue, the Western world’s — predilection for “violent communication” — interactions using judgments, intimidation, coercion, guilt, and blame to get what we want.

Dr. Marshal Rosenberg’s practice of non-vionent communication (NVC) offers an alternative, providing a way to re-think how we communicate, along with practical tools to achieve empathic connection with others. Also known as “Compassionate Communication,” this practice delivers a skill set that allows us to get to the core of people’s behaviors, responding according to their needs and our own. “It may take five minutes or it may take five years, depending on the situation,” says Jeff Brown, a certified NVC trainer who gives workshops around the country and has yet to come across a situation where this method of communication has not been effective.

Myra Walden, an NVC counselor in Chicago’s West Suburbs, clarifies that “regardless of the way people may communicate, NVC teaches us to hear the needs underlying any words or actions.” A dialogue would include the four components of NVC: observations, feelings, needs, and requests, resulting in a more meaningful, connected exchange.

The NVC model can be extended into the school, the workplace, and even the political arena. In Israel, the Ministry of Education is making NVC mandatory in schools. There are trainers currently in Sri Lanka bringing dialogue to warring parties.

Local NVC trainers and workshops can be found through Jeff Brown, Hema Pokharna, , Allan Rohlfs and Myra Walden.

— Jessie Tierney for Conscious Choice Magazine